"Are you saying God wanted that to happen to her, to be raped?"

I know two woman who were raped. One decided that the baby that resulted from her rape should not be punished, but her rapist should. The other, I met on a Rachel's Vineyard retreat, years after her abortion, who was so terribly grieving now what she couldn't undo.

My 20- or 30-year-old self, I don't know if I could have done what the first woman did. She had her daughter, who became the dearest person in her life. She was fortunate not to be overwhelmed by her trauma, to not "see" her rapist when she looked into the face of her child.

I know not all women who have been through this trauma feel so fortunate as this first woman was and felt. But to say that all women who are raped and conceive in that rape want abortion, is simply wrong. Yet the Democrat party, by even the left-favoring Politico.com's measure, are officially proud now of being the "Party of Abortion On Demand."

Here, then, is a story. A true story, that could help shed some light on the subject, and give Democrats or those leaning toward believing that all women want abortions after rape, some perspective.

It also speaks to the thing that Richard Mourdock actually meant when he said what he said. Listen, closely, to the actual tape of him speaking. He does not say or believe that God intended the rape to happen. THIS however is what most people thought when the story came out.

The story that follows echoes this exact same problem, that Obama and his party are using again. It is from a day in the life of one sidewalk "compassionate counselor," namely me, almost a decade ago. The more things change, the more things stay the same...

APRIL 5, 2003, 7-10 am: The white man, a mid-40ish "escort" from Westport walked slowly across the big parking lot over to the chain-link fence today. The one I was standing behind. My tape player with the embryonic heartbeat tape was turned off for a few minutes. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him approach, wary that he might try to grab the boombox or me, remembering how Carmen got punched in the eye a month ago by an abortion clinic client who she thought was coming to talk with her.

Instead, he softly said to me, "You’re Ann, right?" I was stunned. I had told him my name over a month ago, as he was leaving one day. Then, he hadn’t acknowledged me, or told me his name. Abortion clinic escorts are taught to ignore us. BUT HE REMEMBERED MY NAME. I said yes, walking over to him, still separated by the fence. He then asked, “What do you think about abortion in cases of rape or incest?”

I said, “What’s your name?” He told me his first name. I'll call him "Carl." I replied, as I would if talking with a friend, “Carl, knowing the risks women are exposed to from abortion, between increased risk of breast cancer and infertility, I wouldn’t want to subject them to that, especially after the horror of a rape.”

He answered, “My sister was raped, and she had an abortion, and she thinks it’s the best thing she could do. How can you or anyone think she should have to have a child from such a horrible thing?” This was not a hostile conversation. He was actually, quietly, engaging me, asking me my honest opinion.

I looked into his eyes and saw the searching, the pain, the anger at the rapist. The love for his sister. I almost cried. I answered, “Honestly, Carl? Having an abortion is really, only victimizing a woman TWICE. I have endometriosis because of my abortion. I’m at much greater risk for breast cancer. She’s now at risk too. And the rape was a violent act, but so is the abortion. Surely, you can see that, from these pictures the others are holding? And as horrible and painful as rape is, abortion for women who’ve been raped is really only victimizing women TWICE, with a second violent act.”

We were still just talking, honestly, pleadingly. No anger whatsoever. It was amazing. It was as if he was searching for some understanding, some clue as to why we really are there. Carl said, “But she is fine with it! And after all, it is her choice. It is up to her, we can’t tell her what to do.” I replied, “She may be telling you she’s fine with it, but she could be in total denial like I was for decades. And to say it’s none of anyone’s business...really, Carl, that just ignores that there is a human life in there. Do you believe that there is a life in there? Do you believe that God made you and me?” He said, “You play that heartbeat sound and make a big deal out of it, at 6 or 7 weeks, but that doesn’t mean there is a heartbeat on the morning after!” I asked him, “Carl, are you Christian? Do you believe in Jesus Christ?” He answered, “I was raised that way, but…I don’t really…” I said, “So you don’t really follow a faith like that anymore, OK, fair enough... But the scientific fact is that that baby has the same number of genes and chromosomes at conception as you and me...even if it doesn’t have a heartbeat for 21 days, it’s still a human life in there. I can show you scientist after scientist who has proved life begins at conception, that it’s a one-celled human organism --”

He cut me off before I could say that, at conception, even a human’s potential hair and eye color, height and weight are determined. He said, “To be human, it has to have a consciousness!” I answered, “No, Carl, it doesn’t" but he dismissed what I said, walking away, exasperated. I called to him calmly, “Carl, come on, talk with me please. Don’t walk away. This is what I believe because I’m coming from a belief that God creates all life.” He came back, upset, saying, “Why should she have to be punished by having a baby from a rapist? Are you saying God wanted that to happen to her, to be raped?”

[Sound familiar? Our President also just used the same "punished" word recently, and he got it from the abortion industry's successful miseducation of the American people]

I gazed at him, trying to reach him with compassion, saying, “No, Carl, God didn’t want or plan for her to be raped. He loves her, and all of us, and yet even God doesn’t stop us from using our free will as that rapist did when he hurt your sister. But God did have a plan for that baby once it was conceived, even despite how it happened. It pains God that the guy did what he did, but God loves all life, and there are many women -- there’s one woman right here, today -- who were raped who actually feel, even subconsciously, that keeping the baby is their way to make something good come out of something so bad, they feel as though keeping the baby proves they are better than the rapist. They can conquer the horror by doing something good.”

At this, he looked at me incredulously and dismissed what I said. I asked him, “Don’t you believe that allowing the baby to live is a better thing than what the rapist did to her? Carl, we are not unfeeling people. My heart breaks for your sister, and especially because she could possibly be one of those who was taught to believe that there really isn't a baby inside her early on. It’s the only way she can go on thinking she’s fine. If she admitted it, it would get to her.”

He asked me, “What do you think about the morning after pill, then?” I said, “Carl, if the woman is pregnant, if she has conceived, that is really making an abortion happen too.” He was astounded, throwing up his hands, saying that we were hopeless, starting to walk away. I replied, “Carl, we believe in a God who made us all and that is where WE are coming from, on this point. The morning after pill has the ability to end a pregnancy if there is one inside the woman, and it IS a life inside her.” Still, he turned and listened, then asked, “Do you think the Pill is OK, then?” I looked so sadly at him, and said, “No, Carl, because that can cause an abortion too, if the woman is pregnant.” He was dumbfounded, really walking away then. I still called to him, “Come on, Carl, don’t walk away. I listened to you. You asked me what I thought, let me finish telling you. If you believe that God created all of us and all this earth, then you must also believe that He created sex and all the other things we do, like eating. He created sex for two reasons, Carl: to show one other person that we truly love, bond with and give ourselves as a gift in love to that person, and to procreate. If we block one or the other of those purposes, we are playing God, we are blocking God’s purposes for Creation. We believe that is wrong to do, especially when it causes an unknown but real abortion. That is why we are against the Pill and the Morning After Pill.”

I brought over the woman whose 11-year-old daughter, born from a rapist’s act, is the light of her life, and although Carl would not look or come over again, he had to have listened to her. She pulled out a picture of her beautiful daughter, telling him how proud and joyful she is to have her. How she does NOT remind her of her horrible rape so long ago. How she only reminds her of how good God is, and will be to all those who trust Him.

He refused to come back or look at us, but I continued talking to him, quietly, through the fence. “You never know what your sister could really be feeling. She could have bottled it up so tightly. After all, how could she admit to you that she regrets her abortion? YOU come here and help OTHERS have them! She could think you’d dismiss her feelings or even be angry with her. You never know. She’s damned if she does admit it and damned if she doesn’t. If she tells anyone, some 'pro-life' people -- even some of the ones who are here today, the ones with bullhorns -- will condemn her. And the pro-choice people will call her crazy for feeling regret! They’ll say she’s unstable and it’s all in her head! She CAN’T WIN, Carl. Both sides make it impossible for her to seek healing from her regret and pain. That’s why so many women don’t talk about their regret, Carl. NO ONE makes it easy.”

I asked him, “Would you read some things if I brought you them, next time?” He dismissed it, saying it would only be pro-life-slanted sources. I said, “No, it will be personal stories from women just like your sister.” He didn’t answer. Then I told him I will be praying for him and for his sister, because I know he feels such pain for her.

That’s why he’s there. He thinks he’s helping others just like her, to get rid of their pain and their shame.

I said I "believe God creates all life" and Carl thought, "Are you saying God wanted her to be raped?" TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS. Mourdock said exactly what I said, and most people wrongly thought what Carl thought.

Because the left and the abortion industry have TRAINED people to think that.

RESOURCES:

1. Hope After Rape; Life After Rape: "The Face of the 'Rape Exception'"
2. Prefer non-prolife sources? How about THE GEORGETOWN LAW JOURNAL [Vol. 98:827]? "Perhaps surprisingly, the only study to ever analyze the effects of pregnancy upon raped women found that raped women are, above all, victims of rape, not pregnancy. Thus, contrary to the pregnant-raped-woman prototype, which depicts the pregnant woman as suffering to a greater extent because of the 'rapist’s child' growing inside her, 'it appears that the pregnant victim’s problems stem more from the trauma of rape rather than from the pregnancy itself. Only 19.2% of raped women stated that they needed to confront feelings of 'resentment of the pregnancy' or 'hostility towards [the] child.' Moreover, only 14.3% responded that the pregnancy served as a 'continual reminder of the rape event.' ...68.75% of the women either had 'a positive viewpoint to begin with' or changed, through the course of their pregnancies, 'from negative to more positive images, attitudes, beliefs, or feelings about the unborn child,' and none of the raped women changed from a positive to a more negative image or attitude about the unborn child. In describing her feelings toward her rape-conceived child, one raped woman stated:

   Do I regret the decision to have and keep my child? NO. I heard stories of how ‘I’d look at her/him and see the rapist,’ or ‘take my anger at the rapist out on him/her.’ Maybe those things do happen for some women, but not to me. I look at my daughter and see [a] gentle, beautiful spirit..."

   Others who choose to raise their children view their 'children’s lives [as] hav[ing] some intrinsic meaning or purpose which they do not yet understand,' believing that '[g]ood can come from evil.' Far from viewing the rapeconceived child as exclusively a product of the rapist father, many view their rape-conceived children as partners in their own victimization. One woman stated, 'Basically my feelings were, It’s just you and me, kid. I considered us both to be victims. Kind of like the bond between hostages.' Another raped woman denied the genetic input of the rapist father altogether. She stated, 'I remember thinking . . . I have to take care of my baby. Not that animal’s, but MINE. It was my baby...'

   The above are excerpts from Sandra Mahkorn, MD's, work, in two published books:

   Sandra K. Mahkorn, in THE PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPECTS OF ABORTION (David Mall & Walter F. Watts eds., 1979): "Thirty-seven individuals participated in this study, and they were asked to participate after self-identifying as pregnant raped women seeking assistance from 'various counseling and social welfare agencies that are known for assisting women through problem pregnancies.'"

   and
   Sandra Kathleen Mahkorn & William V. Dolan, in New Perspectives On Human Abortion, University Publications of America, 1981.

   Others have done informal surveys, but I find it interesting and sad that not a single researcher has done an objective study since 1981.

   For any who say 37 women is not representative, then 1) why bother with televising post-debate election-year focus group discussions which are smaller, and 2) let's get some real studies going to get more data.

3. Two women offer help to women who have become pregnant through rape or incest, children conceived through sexual assault, and women who have had abortions as a result of these crimes:

   a) Kay Zibolsky, LIFE AFTER ASSAULT LEAGUE, 1336 West Lindberg St., Appleton, WI 54914. Phone: 920-739-4489. Kay wrote the book, "The Sorrow of Sexual Assault and the Joy of Healing".

   b) Julie Makimaa is a so-called "product of rape" who has done much to bust the myth about abortion being the best choice for rape victims.

   She co-wrote Victims and Victors: Speaking Out About Their Pregnancies, Abortions, and Children Resulting from Sexual Assault. The book speaks of the experiences of 264 women and children.

4. Feminists for Life offers help for women in this situation also.
5. Christina Dunigan also has summarized some of the facts well here.
6. One woman's story